Playing with Fire
by Echoless Dreamer
Summary: Cali was always a fighter. She had to be. Moving to Ninjago City was supposed to be a new life for her and her little sister. Instead, she found herself hopelessly in love with two boys, which she could never choose between and tangled in a knot of flames, desperately trying to pull her down with them. Her love. Her fight. But she can't save them both from the fire.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:  
I know I'm supposed to be working on Existence...but sometimes I get writers block and just write random stuff. I just get stuck. And I hate it when that happens, but it happens. Anyhow...I was randomly writing and talking to my friend. I asked her to read it, since I felt accomplished. And. She. Went. Nuts. I love my friends so much, they give me so much support, but her especially. She insisted that I post this. And, she's my friend. So I'm nice sometimes...sue me! For now, I think I'll try and alternate between uploading for each story...I think that sounds okay...right? Also...excuse my typos, if there are any. Ha ha, I hope you enjoy :)

* * *

When I was twelve, and my baby sister was three, I was rewarded with my own room. On the door, my parents spelled out my name in elegant writing. I wished I could write like that, the way they could. My sister drew flowers on a piece of paper for me to put in my new room. And I hugged her and thanked her. Even though it was my room, I was afraid to be alone. I think my sister was, too, because at night, she asked if she could sleep in my room. It was mine, but she was so small, so I said yes and let her curl up next to me. Like a sister is supposed to.

When I was thirteen, and my baby sister had just turned four, we decided to paint my room. Turning it from eggshell white, to a gorgeous starlit sky on the ceiling, and a kingdom of swirls and constellations for the walls. Blue, black swirls with gentle flickering white orbs we made become my city. My parents weren't even mad at us and our painting. It was the best thing I had ever created, and I loved it so much.

When I was fourteen, and my sister was five, I wanted to take up fighting, since I was no good at art. My parents shook their heads and said no. I kept asking. And asking. And asking. I always got the same response. I felt as if I hated them. I wasn't good at painting, like my sister was. I wasn't good at writing, like my parents were. I wasn't good at being a girl. I wanted to fight, I wanted to train. I wanted to be the strongest and best I could be. But I suppose when that's what a girl wants, the world tells her no.

When I was fifteen, and my sister was six, our parents died. It was an accident, the police said. It wasn't supposed to happen, they said. But the other driver didn't even know he had robbed to children of their family. He didn't even know he had caused our parents to bleed out on the street, their phones next to them. Trying to reach us. Trying to hear our voices one last time. My sister had drawn their faces just before they left that day. And since then, she clung to that drawing. It became a part of her. It was her everything. I wished I hadn't been so mean to them that last year. And I cried harder than anyone at their funeral.

But I was fifteen almost three years ago.

When I turned seventeen, I scratched out the writing my mom and dad had scrawled once. And wrote a new identity for myself in black ink. _Cathleen_, it used to say. But I put a coat of white paint over it. And wrote instead; Cali. Because it was who I wanted to be. My sister asked me to paint her door, too. Her eyes were so calm. So strong. I agreed. Together, we crossed out _Rhonda_ and let her become Ronnie.

I turned eighteen five months ago. Our uncle in Ninjago city contacted us, since now he was allowed to, inviting us to stay with him. We had no money, and barely anything at all.  
When we left our home, we left our names on the doors behind. So at least who ever would come next would know that we existed.

* * *

Sometimes, when I open my eyes in the morning, I don't see an empty ceiling, like I am supposed to. I see the lights that I used to have. I see the endless skies I used to belong to. But what's really there is a light brown wall that has no meaning to me. I'm still getting used to it. It will never be a part of me. Not this emptiness.

I manage to pull myself out of my bed. It wasn't really mine. It was too big. Too empty. And far too lonely. The floor is too cold for me. And the room is far too small. I am not one to take things for granted, or wish and wish for better things. But sometimes, I wonder why I even stay here.

My sister raps on the half open door, peering in at me with a crooked little smile. I smile back at her, and remember why I stay. She pushes the door open a little more and steps towards me. The tiny, tiny room is sometimes a blessing. I pat the edge of the bed as I sit back down, motioning for her to come. She hops up next to me, her ebony book clutched in her hands.

When she sits down, her pale red dress wrinkles, and she strokes it back into place. But she keeps smiling.

"Cali, look! I drew something!" Her voice is so cheery, even early in the morning. My eyes glance over to the clock next to the bed. It read eight in the morning. I don't groan, like a regular big sister would. I take the book from her outstretched hands and turn to the page she has marked.

My little sister has a gift. We found out when she was four and drew our family in her pre-K class. It was so detailed, so perfect. So frail, and amazing. I was never jealous of her. She had a talent. And I didn't. I loved her so much, when I saw my face in the center, staring out from behind beautiful crayon-colored chestnut hair. I was the most amazingly drawn portrait there. And it made me love Ronnie even more than I already did.

The picture she handed me is of our uncle. It makes him look sophisticated, which he isn't. But at the same time, his expression looks almost joking, so I know she paid great attention to every aspect. I smile.

"It's an amazing drawing, Ronnie. You should go show Dareth." Our uncle is a nut-job, but he treats Ronnie like a queen. Buying her pencils and paper, everything she need, he buys it for her. Something I could never do.

Her expression instantly gets an even brighter shade to it, and she bolts out of the room and down the hall. She's almost ten. I'd give anything to get a bigger house for her. To get a better life for her than this one. I'd give anything for her to stop growing up. I push away the thought and move over to shut the door.

I have a box of clothes underneath the bed. It's big enough to hold every bit of clothing I own. Sad, really. I know it is. As I reach for a blue shirt, I change my mind and go red instead. So Ronnie and I can match. She loves it when we match. I pull on a pair of jeans, the only ones I haven't worn this week. I don't have a mirror. I don't want to see how I look. I don't want to be self-conscious. I have to keep going every day.

I brush my hair out of my eyes, straightening it. It stays straight for about ten seconds. A new record. I let it go back to being messy, let my bangs cover the right side of my face again. I let myself go back to feeling absent in my own body for a moment.

When I walk down the hall, Dareth is serving Ronnie a bowl of cereal in her favorite bowl. The white one she decorated with pink swirls. Dareth makes a big deal out of it, and she laughs.

Our kitchen is small. There is a table, but only Ronnie is small enough to sit at it. We have a counter, but only one person can stand at it at a time. There is space to walk and move, but only enough. Dareth's house wasn't built for three people. But it's above his dojo. It wasn't supposed to have a lot of space.

Ronnie eats her cereal, scarfing it down. Dareth goes back to humming around the kitchen, and I try to float past him, but he grabs my arm. Insisting I eat something. I tell him that I'm not hungry. We don't have much food, at least not at this time of the month. Every meal I get, I share with Ronnie. She needs to stay healthy. My stomach growls, ruining my lie.

"Here, girly. Eat something." He calls us both that. It's the worst name he could ever call me. But it's also the only one he calls me. He passes me a granola bar, which he knows I hate. I snatch it from my uncle's hand and struggle to rip the wrapper off. As soon as it's gone, so is the bar. It's in my stomach in a matter of moments. Dareth's victorious smile makes me want to punch him, but Ronnie's giggling. And I can't do that in front of her.

Dareth looks past me to the clock on the microwave. I turn and do the same. It's eight fifteen. I look over at my sister, who's already sketching away. From what I can see in her drawing, it's me.

"Ronnie, you'll miss the bus if you don't get ready faster." My voice is scratchy in the morning. I wish I could control that better. I clear my throat as she nods.

It's almost autumn. Soon it will be ready to snow. Ronnie scampers down the stairs, and Dareth and I follow. She runs ahead so quickly. I know she's already standing out on the street in the chilly air, like she always does.

I watch motionlessly from the dojo's window. Dareth heads off into another room. I just watch as Ronnie boards her bus. She doesn't look back at me. And today, I don't need to wave goodbye. She's getting older. And that's what scares me.

* * *

I wait until noon before coming back down the stairs that I ascended into the dojo. Dareth doesn't have any classes today, since it's Friday and all the kids are in school. But even so, I am cautious. I'm supposed to be.

In the center room, Dareth is speaking to a group of people. They look like they are my age, and I try not to be noticed, but my uncle seems to know that I'm there, because he turns and motions me to come out. I don't move. I don't want to.

"Guys, you'll have to excuse my niece….she's shy." I can feel my face flush, but I snarl back at him.

"I'm not shy. And we're out of bread. And I want a sandwich." I say it seriously, but he laughs. Like he laughs at everything.

I move forwards to see who he's talking to. And the group looks faintly familiar, like I've seen them before. Four boys, and a girl. They seem friendly, but so does my uncle. And he's an idiot.

"This is..." Dareth begins, but I cut him off.

"Cali." I know he was going to say; Cathleen. But that's not who I am. I look them over as I step closer and closer.

One has ice blonde hair. He seems inhuman Something is different about him. He is dressed in white, and smiles at me. Even his smile isn't human at all. Yet he seems knowing and kind.  
The next has brown-ish hair. He's holding hands with the girl, and looks so content with himself. There isn't much about him I can't tell from looking at him, dressed in blue. He's a jokester. He's also cautious. He seems nice, at least.  
Third, there is a boy with solid, spiky brown hair. He is dressed in red, and it seems to suit him. From what I can see about him already, he's independent, and wants to be the strongest. He's too ambitious for his own good.  
The last one seems different, at least. He looks sure of himself, and unemotional. His hair is black, and so are his clothes. He looks more muscular than the others. This is the kind of guy who should catch my eye. But he really doesn't.

The girl has short black hair. I already feel a twinge of jealousy. She's pretty. I know I'm not the most gorgeous, but I don't mind at all. She seems confident in herself, at least. Her dress is red. I almost wish that I hadn't worn that color today.

They tell me their names. I nod and look down.

The blonde one is Zane. I decide that it suits him, at least. The one in blue's name is Jay. It matches him better than it should. The spiky-haired one is Kai. I like his name, it's interesting, to me. Then there is Cole. His name, I think, is perfect for him.

The girl says her name is Nya. I only nod.

Dareth tells me that they are ninjas, that they train to fight the fights normal people cannot. This sparks my interest. I almost ask if they could teach me anything. But I silence my thought. I don't even know them and that would be rude.

My uncle starts walking, and all but Kai (I think that's his name, at least) follow him. I watch him, to see if he wants to say anything. But he doesn't for a moment.

"Hi." I say, finally.

"Hi." He answers, his voice a bit shaky. "I didn't know Dareth had a niece." I smile at this.

"Actually," I tell him, "I have a little sister. So Dareth has two nieces." He nods.

"Well…..you have any interest in training at all?" He asks it so casually.

"Yes." I answer to quickly. "I mean….I loved fighting when I was little, but my parents didn't like it. And my uncle isn't much of a teacher." He laughs at this. A genuine laugh. My brain feels numb. He's cute and all, but his laugh is incredible.

"This much I know. But he's a good guy." I don't respond to this. "You should come by the monastery sometime." Like I know where it is, but before I know it, he's got a pen and paper, scribbling down directions. He hands it to me with a smile. And I take it. Then I realize where I've seen him before.

Dareth always watches the news. Every day. Sometimes, Ronnie watches it with him. And every now and again, I hear stories about ninjas who fought the darker evils in the world. Ronnie has a sketchbook full of drawings of them. It's weird, seeing them in person instead of in pencil coloring.

Kai's phone number is written next to the address. It's all I can do at the moment not to smile. Ronnie would love to meet him. He's her hero.


	2. Chapter 2

At four o'clock, Ronnie jumps down off her bus's steps onto the sidewalk. I'm waiting for her, as usual, with a chair pulled up to the dojo's window. I'm tossing a knife up and down, catching it in different ways, and just testing my own reactions. I haven't stabbed myself yet, which must be a good thing. Dareth holds the door open for Ronnie and she scampers inside, shivering, and a mass of red curls shaking with her.

"It's cold outside, Cali." She whines to me. I make a face at her, with makes her laugh. She asks me if I have a pen. And I point over to Dareth's desk in the back room. I don't see why he has one if he's never going to use it. I set the knife down on the floor.

"How was school today?" She loves school, just because of the art room. She comes back with a pen and a blanket. I wrap the soft sheet around her, and she sits on my knees, like she did when she was little.

"Everything is boring." I act shocked.

"Even me?" She giggles and cuddles up closer to me.

"No, you're okay." She has a fever. I can tell already by the way she's breathing.

"Ronnie, do you want anything to eat?" She shakes her head, and her eyes are already drooping. If only she would stay awake a little longer.

I carry her out of the room and up the stairs. Ronnie sleeps in the room across from me. It was a walk in closet once, but Dareth had it remodeled for her. Now it was big enough to fit only her, a bed, and a small dresser. Ronnie was used to small space. I never was. When I set her down, her eyes flutter up and the back again. She's too tired. Too frail. Her temperature keeps rising.

Dareth is standing at the doorway, and I shove him out of my way. He balances himself correctly for once.

"Hey…you don't have to be so rude, Cathleen." I immediately whip around.

"That's not my name." He doesn't do anything. Doesn't try to fight me on this. I don't want him anywhere near me. He may be my uncle, but he is not a part of my real family.

The paper that Kai gave me is shoved down into my pockets, and I pull it out and think. Think about calling. Think about it. But I fold up the paper and put it back in my pockets. Ronnie's sick. I can't just leave her.

"Cali…" Dareth says my name right for the first time.

"Yes." I mutter through my gritted teeth.

"If you want to call the Ninjas…..go ahead. I'll keep an eye on the little lady." I wish I could punch him. I wish I could. But I can't.

He's right….for once….I should call them. My mind makes me hesitates before nodding. I hold my hand out, expecting. And he groans. But he pulls out his phone and tosses it to me, and I catch it without any effort.

I shuffle past him, into my room and shut the door, wordlessly. I flop backwards onto the bed, acting like an idiot. I laugh a bit; the one thing this bed is good for is jumping. I get out the piece of paper again. Rolling over onto my stomach, I stare at it a bit longer. The phone is next to me.

I've never been good with words. Never. I didn't speak in school. I don't even have any friends, because I can't talk to anyone but Ronnie, and to an extension Dareth. I didn't even speak much to my parents. But I didn't have to, to know that they loved me. This is different. I'm not good with people.

I hold my breath, and dial the number.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note:  
Why can't I stop writing? Is this a new form of writer's block? I hope not...  
Presenting, Chapter 3, just because my mind refuses to do anything else...  
Anyways...Should have been more specific while writing this, but sometimes it's fun to be vague.

* * *

They have a dragon. Why is that the first thing I learn about them? They have a dragon. I've never seen one before, and I'm sure that they can tell I'm mesmerized by it.

I don't regret calling them now. I don't regret telling them that there was no way I could get there. They're sweet. And they were willing to let me ride on their dragon. To be honest, I didn't even know dragons still existed. It's incredible.

I'm standing outside the dojo in the street, the white creature's four heads taking turns trying to decide who I am. Each head has different color stripes on it. Yellow, brown, red, and blue. It's almost as if…. I notice that one doesn't look the same as the other heads. Its teeth are larger, and it's snout it rounded, unlike the other's which look designed to breathe fire. I raise my hand up to it and it nuzzles against my knuckles.

"That's Rocky. Or…well, it used to be him." I look up, and try to remember his name as he jumps down off the dragons back. Black hair.

"Cole, right?" I try to sound like I didn't have to think about it. He nods, a half-smile on his face. I look back up at the winged being. The abnormally shaped head immediately loses interest in me, and tries to direct the other heads towards Cole.

"So…all the heads have names?" Realizing I sound like a five year old, I allow some hair to fall in my face. He pays this almost no mind at all and gives me and answer, the head he call 'Rocky' nudging his shoulder.

"Well, they used to be four different dragons. Not just one. Rocky was my dragon. Now….not so much." Turning around, I notice that Kai's inside, talking to Dareth. Great. I go back to looking up at the four heads. Three are focused on me, and the other is trying to get to Cole. I can't help but chuckle, it's kind of cute, actually. How much that one likes him.

The other two ninjas have disappeared. Which is good, since I can't exactly remember their names. Kai's walking back outside, and he looks satisfied with himself. I narrow my eyes. He doesn't even notice the look I give him. I suppose, that's good, too.

They help me up on their dragon's back, since I can't exactly do it myself. I hate accepting their help, but I want to see the monastery Kai was talking about. This is the only way, since we usually walk wherever we go.

Flying is something I never thought I'd ever experience. It's the one time my hair is blown back out of my face. The wings of the dragon beat over the wind, almost like drums. The sky is a murky gray today, and I'm almost happy that I wore a jacket. Even if it's gray as well.

Cole is driving. For some reason, I'm not sure if I trust him. No one talks to me. They just whisper among themselves. Like boys. But they are, so I look down at the city and imagine a whole different life for myself. Like I do sometimes.

Both the ground and all my problems are so far away.

* * *

We arrive at wherever we are going. I don't move. I'm not sure what to do. But Kai looks back at me and smiles, telling me silently that it's okay. It isn't. He helps me down, and I have to readjust my legs to stand again. They don't notice, but they wait for me. We are in a forest.

There's a marble pathway. It's elegant, but looks ancient. Cracked, dusty, but still here. It, too, is a gloomy gray. My feet don't struggle against walking, like they might have once. I'm not nervous.

"So, have you ever actually tried fighting?" It's an innocent question. I just have to decide how to answer.

"When I was younger, I wanted to. But my parents said no. At least my uncle lets me practice when he doesn't have a class." A simple answer, but they accept it. My mind keeps wandering away. I wish it wouldn't.

The path winds up to a gate. This much, I should have expected. Sometimes, I wonder why I don't see these things coming. The gate doesn't have a doorway, it's just an arch. But it's interesting. Everything here is.

I look up ahead at Kai, who looks back at the same time. His smile looks unsure. But it's a real smile. And it's for me. I feel my face turning a shade of red. He's cute. And I can't help but notice that.

I'm not going to fall for him, like I'm sure every other girl would. I can't afford to do that. Can I?


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:  
This is a romance story...so...be prepared. This is actually where Cali just starts to be friends with them. Next chapter, I'm doing a bit of a back story before speeding up. Well...yeah... I actually have no idea what the point of this note was...I guess it was kind of a heads-up. Moving one...I give you Chapter 4

* * *

I think they know that I'm completely lost in all this. Kai sticks close to me, and although I'd rather explore this place on my own, it's nice.  
Cole might as well be a tour guide. He's good at it, too. Explaining what everything is, pointing out little stuff that I would have never noticed on my own. Every inch of the courtyard, every building. He talks about it like it's him, like it's all he knows.

It's almost empty. This saddens me inside. It's such an amazing place. I wish that I could live here. That I could drink in this air every day instead of the smog and polluted air that I have sadly grown used to. I think that maybe, just maybe, I will find another place like this. And it will be mine.

Kai notices the amazement in my eyes. At all of this. He doesn't say anything about it, but I know he sees it.

Once upon a time, before Ronnie was born, I loved to explore the world. I ran everywhere. I fought anyone who would challenge me. And I wasn't afraid of anything. I was a queen of imaginary castles. I was a general in an imaginary army. I was so much more than just a girl. I had dreams. I was a part of every story. I embodied a different life so completely. I held sticks like they were swords. I fought trees like they were giants. I protected worlds that no one saw but me. I think that was where I first discovered that I had a love for fighting. But then Ronnie was born, and my dreams went out the window when her tiny eyes opened for the first time to see me. I knew I had to keep her safe. Not from my imaginary villains, but from the real world.

If only I could tell them that. Not yet, not ever, I decide.

When Cole finally finishes his tour, he smiles and heads off somewhere. Kai's rolling his eyes.

"What?" I ask. Is there something I am supposed to know? I doubt it.

"Nothing. You want to see the weapons room? We keep it away from the monastery. Just to be safe." He adds the last sentence like I didn't understand. But I did. Whoever owns this, and I know it isn't them, doesn't want weapons on their property. This, at least, I can respect. I tell him yes, and he leads me off the main path.

The sword is my least favorite of all the arms that there are in the world. I can't explain it. They are just far too difficult for me to use. And far too accurate for me. I don't want to kill my opponent, I just want to stun them. And the first thing Kai shows me is a rack of blades. Knives, swords, throwing blades even. I hide my look of disgust from him. They are gorgeously made, but not for me. I move away from them, and face a wall of staffs.

The puzzled look on his face tells me that I have made a strange decision. I don't move back towards him. I keep my distance.

"You know, you're the first person not to ask to use one of the swords." I glance over at him.

"Swords aren't really my thing." He moves next to me and follows my gaze to the top of the rack. The staff up there is black, painted to look as such, and has words carved on it that I can barely see from where I stand.

"So….what is your style then?" I give no response. I really wish I had one. Kai is looking over at me. But I turn away to the next wall. The weapons on this one are assorted blades and throwing stars. Even a few nun chucks. I didn't think anyone would consider using these. But just because I always ended up hitting myself in the face doesn't mean other people aren't good at using them. I finally decide to answer.

"I guess If I had to pick one, I'd probably go with…..dual scythes. No specific reason why, but I just like being able to have two at the same times." He laughs. "What is it now?" He stops himself when he sees the look I'm giving him.

"Just trying to imagine you with two full sized scythes." I roll my eyes.

"I meant the small ones." He's laughing again. I can't help but smile as an image of myself trying to lift two of the weapons at the same time. His laugh makes me blush a bit, but I cover it up.

"If you want, we could ask Cole to find a couple. He has a bunch of them…..somewhere around here." I raise my eyebrow, but he doesn't see it.

"We?" Then he's standing next to me.

"Not that kind of 'we'. Sorry to disappoint." I can't stop smiling. And I really don't know why.

Yes, Kai's sweet. But I don't know him at all. He treats me like he's known me his whole life, which is nice, but he doesn't know me either. I shouldn't even be here. Everyone makes stupid choices sometimes…

"Then yes, you can ask Cole." I put an emphasis on 'you', and this makes him smile another smile. And it's different than one from before. This one is positive and playful, not the same as the hesitant and conflicted smile. I like it, just the same, though.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note:  
Back story time! Since I cant exactly focus, here's Chapter 5. I'd love to see some reviews, but please, nothing negative... :) Enjoy.

* * *

It was hard. Growing up alone. I think that I was too old when Ronnie was born to even get close to her as a person. She was always my little sister. Our parents didn't have to say, "Go play with Rhonda." Or "Help Rhonda with her homework'' or even, "Cathleen, you need to stop being such a bad sister." I was always there for Ronnie. Because I felt that she needed me. Ever since she was born, my world revolved around here. Everything I did was for her. I'd make her breakfast, help her get ready in the morning, and before she could walk I would carry her everywhere. She was my everything. And I didn't exist without her.

Before Ronnie, I was a defender of dreams. I didn't have any friends. I was a weirdo who danced in the rain and laughed at things that weren't funny. I didn't want to grow up. I didn't want to live, I wanted to stay frozen in time. But I was also self-conscious. I hated myself. I hated everything I did, but I still did it. I hated living by myself. And sometimes, I hated the world around me. I was so small, so afraid of losing everything that I got close to no one.

There was, in all my years, one person who I called a friend. Her name was Ruby. And nothing about her matched her name at all. She wasn't precious, she was strong and loud. She didn't have red hair, it was black and so were her eyes. She made up stories for us to reenact. Our lives were simple, and we were close. She was the only friend I ever had. But, I lost her.

Ruby died at age thirteen. She was dying the whole time, and no one told me. She was killed by disease. It took her over. It took my only friend. I didn't know why I wasn't upset. She was my friend. Maybe, because she was dying, she wanted to live her years with another person who lived in her imaginary world. Maybe, that person was me. She died in her sleep, forever dreaming. Forever living.

I still don't believe that there is a God out there. If there was, and if there is, and if this is his world, then why did he make disease? Why did he make death? Is it because we are stupid? Is it because he just wants to watch us try to fight it? I'll take care of Ronnie until the day I die, but what about after that? Is there anything after? Or do I just keep reliving my mistakes? Days with thoughts like this make me cry. And I can't cry in front of anyone. Not even myself.

In our old house, the one that our parents built themselves, we had a mirror. It was gorgeous. There were no other words than that. It was like looking into clear, still water. Like seeing everything you couldn't see before. In it, I saw a queen. And over time, that queen became a warrior. Then, that warrior became a survivor. Until finally, that survivor became just an everyday person. When I saw this, when I saw that everything I had ever loved had melted from my body, I screamed and broke the mirror. Ronnie was watching from the doorway. And I knew she was there. But I broke down sobbing anyways. She ran into my arms and cried on my shoulder. It was the day after our parents had died. We knew that someone would come to take care of us. But we didn't want anyone but each other.

Growing up in a big house in a fancy neighborhood with snotty kids who all acted the same wasn't hard on anyone but me. I wanted fairy tales and dragons to ride and tame. They wanted to make me less…me. I was Cathleen; the care-free, loving, intelligent girl who looked into the mirror and smiled. But now, I'm Cali; the quiet, lonely, big sister who can't stand to look at her own reflection. Two sides of the same whole. Except one half drowned in sorrow and left the other to fend for herself, crying on the sidewalk. Alone and lost.

Now, meeting Kai has brought a piece of the long-thought-dead Cathleen inside me. He makes me smile for no reason. I know almost nothing about him. I suppose this is good, because I don't know his flaws. Because I don't know if there is any darkness inside him. Because I still don't know if there is any darkness inside me. If there is, maybe, just maybe, he can help me fight it away. Because I've been fighting it for so long, that I wish I had a shoulder to cry on. Because I've been living in fear of losing everything. Because I can't get close, that now I can. Now, Kai has unknowingly let me smile just by thinking about him. Now, he has let me take a deep breath of fresh air, away from all the polluted voices of the world.

Now, I'm starting understand the words; falling in love.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note:  
This chapter is brought to you by peanut butter pretzel balls. Whom without, I'd be hungry and have no stories written. This is a relatively short chapter...but why not post it anyways?

* * *

When I come home, it's well after dark and Ronnie's still asleep. Dareth is sitting at the counter, his mini TV out and turned on. He doesn't even notice as I move past him. But, halfway to my room, I turn around. I've been making weird choices all day. Why not make another one?

I try to sit down at the table, but fail. This catches my uncle's attention.

"Well, someone's home late." He says this like he says everything, jokingly.

"Shut it, Dareth." I snap, sitting down on the floor. I bury my face in my hands.

"So…..who's the guy?" Immediately, I sit up and give him the most irritated possible look.

"What guy? And why do you care?" He turns around, switching off the TV. The eerie silence in the kitchen is actually something I don't mind.

"Kai. And you're my niece." For once, his voice doesn't sound like he's a complete stranger. For once. He sounds serious.

"What makes you think anything about Kai?" I go back to burying my face in my hands.

"He was asking some stuff about you earlier." I don't respond. I simply get up and leave. Dareth makes no move to stop me. He may be trying to be a better uncle, and he isn't succeeding.

I don't turn out the lights in my room. I just sit there in the light and wonder. Wonder what I'm doing here at all. I take off my jacket and sling it against the wall. The cold air wraps its arms around me, but I cover myself with the blankets on the bed and push away the emptiness. I'm not tired. I can't sleep.

My room has no windows. I don't mind this, except when I have trouble sleeping. Because then I start wondering what life is. And why I'm even alive. Sometimes, if I'm even alive. I think everyone does that, but they don't admit it. Or maybe I'm just weird and like to mess with windows at four in the morning on a Friday. But it's not Friday. And it's only eleven.

Closing my eyes, I wonder what I'm going to do. I wonder if I'm ever going to leave Ninjago City. There's so much I haven't figured out yet. There's so little out there in the world. There's so much I wish I could erase from my timeline. So many stains that I can't get rid of.

The last thing I think about before my eyes close is what Dareth said. Kai was asking about me. Kai was. I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I'm an idiot sometimes. I know that I'll never be anything more than just a little girl praying for a happy ever after. But…..maybe….someday…

All I can see in my mind is his smile; Kai's. And I fall asleep with a smile of my own for once.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note:  
As this was written, I ran out of peanut butter pretzels and inspiration...I do hope it was worth it... :P

* * *

It's Saturday. That means Dareth has three classes, and I need to take Ronnie out for lunch and then to the art store, since she's already out of charcoal. Her fever has all but vanished, yet she still acts sickly. I hope it isn't too serious.

It's brighter out today than it was yesterday, but I'm still wearing my gray jacket. Just because. Ronnie's wearing blue, which look better on her than red does. She skips up next to me as I walk, down the sidewalk, her shoulder bag dangling, and tugs at my arm. She wants to go to the book store, too. I tell her we can look. And she nods.

The sun is beating down on me. It's almost winter. Soon, all this will be gone and snow will fall. I hope it comes soon. Ronnie tugs my arm again. She wants to get a milkshake with her food. I say we'll decide when we get there. And she nods.

For once in my life, my mind is clear and everything is simple. The city has never seemed this innocent. The world has never felt this small. Ronnie tugs my arm for the third time. She says she wants to draw one of the buildings. I look for a bus bench and sit her down on it, sitting to her left. And watching.

Watching as she gets her book out of her bag. Watching as she retrieves what's left of a charcoal pencil. Watching as she creates an image. Watching as she draws life into this gray city. Watching as two silhouettes are drawn. They don't have faces, but one is taller; almost twice as tall as the other. Then it occurs to me that Ronnie has no idea what she looks like. She only knows what I look like, and that's why she never draws herself. I watch as the two silhouettes are given form. The tallest one is reaching down so the smaller one can hold its hand.

The sunlight is already fading, and it's not even noon yet. Ronnie doesn't shade her drawing. She lets it be. Simple. Sweet. I ruffle her hair a bit and she doesn't smile, like she normally would. She just shuts her book and puts it away.

"Cali? Can I ask you something?" I don't want to answer any questions, but she's my sister.

"Well…you just asked two, but I'll listen to a third." She doesn't laugh. Her face is expressionless. Maybe she's worse than I thought.

"Where did you go yesterday? I got up to get something to eat, and….you weren't there….I got scared….because you're always there….." Now she looks frail, and saddened. I pull her into a hug and answer her, as honestly as possible.

"Remember those ninjas you love to draw so much?" I feel her nod. "Well, turns out Dareth knows them. And one of them invited me…" Ronnie finishes my sentence before I do.

"He asked you out?!" I freeze.

"No, he invited me to visit their monastery. Why would any guy ask me out? And how do you even know about that?" She giggles and pulls out of my arms.

"You're awesome. That's why guys would like you. And I'm not three." This is true. The part about her not being three, at least.

"So….just because I'm 'awesome', guys would like me. It's hard to argue with your logic, Ronnie." She nods, like she's either agreeing or just telling me yes.

"Because my logic is the best kind of logic." She's so sure of herself. The world hasn't phased her yet. She's still innocent. She's still little.

"I know, sweetie. Trust me, I know."

* * *

We don't go into a restaurant for more than three seconds, just to pick up the food I ordered this morning. Ronnie loves Chinese food, so I ordered what she wanted. And I didn't get anything at all. I have sandwiches in the fridge back at home. I'm not hungry.

We find another bench outside the art store, where Ronnie eats her meal. When she's done, I toss the boxes out in the trash can.

"Cali, can we go to the book store instead? I have pens at home." I pretend to be hurt by this.

"After we came all the way here?" She nods. And I groan a groan that she knows is fake.

"Well…we could just go home. Dareth found an old board game in his room and I want to play." What I think, I don't say out loud. Dareth's always finding old junk around the house. Ronnie just loves old stuff. She always has, and I hope she always will. He's just messy and forgets about everything. I'm glad she doesn't know that yet.

"If you want." She says yes, and I stand up. Stretching in the sun. Ronnie hops up from her seat as well. We begin and end our journey back with no words in between. It's nice, to be outside, for a change. But I'd rather stay indoors. The world isn't very inviting. Not even today.


	8. Chapter 8

Sunday. My least favorite day of the week. Dareth doesn't have any classes until late, so he always takes Ronnie somewhere for the day. I usually sleep through this, until Ronnie comes home, I wake up and eat dinner with her before she goes to bed. But this time I might have to reconsider my own schedule.

When I walk into the kitchen, no one's there but me. Well, there is a note that tells me where they went. But I don't read it. Dareth left his phone on the counter, like a complete numbskull. But I swipe it. Just because I might need it. Actually, I know I'll need it.

Is it sad that I have Kai's number memorized? I wonder. I hope not, since I remember everything. But I dial with no hesitation. And he answers before even the first ring is over. He sounds the same over the phone. Asking me if I'm coming today. Asking why I wasn't there yesterday. Then trying to act like those were casual questions. I tell him that I'll come on one condition. Of course, he asks what it is. I say I want to actually get some training done today. And he laughs. I'm just glad he agreed with me.

Kai lands his dragon outside the dojo not even thirty minutes later. I don't need any help getting up this time. The dragon seems to have adjusted to me because the four heads don't act like I'm a total stranger this time. Kai lifts the reigns and the creature takes off. The wind is cold, and again, I'm almost happy that I wore a jacket.

Flying is always the same, but it fascinates me. Every beat of the wings does not take us higher, but keeps us steady. I never understood this. But the air is colder here, yet I don't shiver. I don't react like I should. To anything. I just let the wind brush my hair away from my face. I wish that it wouldn't. I happen to like my veil of brunette hair that lets me look at the world, but keeps the world from looking at me.

"Dareth said something about you being eighteen." His nervous voice tells me that he's not good with small talk either.

"I don't understand the question. But I am. So…." Kai nods. "What about you?"

"Going on nineteen. Four more months." It's my turn to nod. I like silence better that talking.

* * *

"Keep your movements fluent. Dual types of anything require complete focus." Cole's almost yelling at me. He dodges every move I make, then corrects it. I strike near his head, he ducks. Why is he so much faster than me?

Kai watches from the sidelines, and it's just us three here. Just outside the monastery. Just. I don't even know.  
Cole gave me the dual scythes, but only because Kai insisted. He could have just handed them to me. But when Kai wasn't there, he made a big deal out of Kai whining and whining that I needed them. I had laughed, even though it wasn't that funny.

Two blows nearly hit him. He moves my arm to that it's bent a bit more. I blow a piece of hair out my left eye. He chuckles at the look on my face. Three hours, and I still haven't hit him.

"You aren't staying focused. I've corrected the same form at least a hundred times." He's being too serious.

"What, am I annoying you?" I lash out with my left hand, following through the movement. My feet shuffle and turn like they're supposed to as I move forward, dealing blows with both hands now.

"No, it's just kind of sad that you can't hit me." He grabs my arm and nearly throws me across the grass. My feet slide and I manage to keep my balance.

"Who said I was trying to hit you?" Kai's snickering. I look over to him and my face turns red. I really wish Cole hadn't seen that, because now he's looking from me to Kai with his eyebrow raised.

"So Kai's distracting you, huh?" He motions the red ninja over.

"No. I'm not distracted. Who said I was distracted? I didn't." I'm stuttering. Why am I stuttering?

"I just did." Cole says it bluntly, but he looks like he's kidding. I really can't tell with him. He's whispering something to Kai, something I'm too far away to hear.

"Guys….what are you doing?" They both turn and look at me and my eyes shoot to the ground.

"Let's try this; you fight both of us." I look back up immediately, and I know he's dead serious.

"You sure that' a good idea, since I can't even hit you?" Cole nods. I fight the urge to groan and punch something. I definitely can't do this.

Cole drops into a fighting stance, and I do the same. Kai circles around to my other side. I'm trying not to worry, but my glance keeps shifting between the two of them. Trying to see who will attack first. Trying to know what I'm supposed to do.

Kai moves first, swiftly and silently. I dodge and he slides on the ground. I can use this to my advantage. Cole sees this too and gets a running start. I cross the scythes in front of me to deflect him away. He doesn't slide on the ground. Then Kai's running up the other way, and I strike almost immediately. It's an instinct. I hit him off guard and he struggles to keep his balance. Kicking him down on the ground is easy, but he jumps back up. I've lost track of Cole. And just when this thought occurs to me, he's grabbed me from behind and tossed me as lightly as possible onto the ground. I don't get up, I just stay on the ground staring up at them.

Kai's brushing dirt out of his hair. And Cole looks all too triumphant.

"Can we take a break?" I find myself saying.

"Yeah, Cole. Can we take a break?" Kai takes my hand and helps me up. Cole's laughing, but I can't decide if it's at me or Kai.

"Well, Cali. For someone who couldn't hit me, you managed to take down Kai. Which isn't much, but it's something." I laugh, but Kai's standing there with his mouth open like it's an insult. "I think a break would be nice." Then he winks at me. I'm not sure if Kai saw it, since Kai was looking over at me. But I blush. I can't help it.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note:  
I didn't post this in time for Valentines Day, but oh well. Anyone who's actually taking the time to read this deserves some kind of award. Seriously. An award.  
Moving on...I give you Chapter 9

* * *

Cole goes off somewhere on his own. And, although I'd like to know where that somewhere is, I stay with Kai. He takes a seat underneath a tree, and I nearly collapse on the ground next to him. The tree keeps me from falling over. I'm not tired. Just tired of fighting for today.

"You had enough training yet?" Kai asks. He doesn't sound concerned. He just sounds…..well….

"For today. You didn't say Cole was going to be training me." He nods at this.

"His scythes, his rules. At least, that's what he said when I asked him about it. Cole's weird, sometimes." I try not to laugh.

"Aren't we all?" He smiles. His smile. It almost makes my mind go numb, but I try not to let it.

"True." Then he falls silent. And I listen to the sounds of the wind cutting through the branches, just for something else to focus on. Kai looks like he wants to say something, but at the same time, he says nothing.

"So am I going to be training every day then?" I, for once, have to break the silence.

"If that's what you want. I like having you around here. I mean, it's nice to have new people every once in a while." Blushing, I'm silent as my hair falls down in my face.

"I know that's not what you meant, Kai. I'm not an idiot." His face is red, too.

"I didn't say you were." I brush my bangs away and look over at him.

"Well, I like being here with you, too." His face looks surprised. "Like you said, sometimes it's nice to meet new people." I can't say that without laughing. My right hand shoots to my mouth to cover up my smile.

"And I'm not an idiot, either." I nod, and take my hand away. Just so he can see me smiling. He's sitting to my left, so I know he sees it. Without a doubt.

"I wouldn't be so sure. You do everything Cole says. Why's that?" Kai raises his eyebrow but he answers.

"Cole's team leader. Even if he's wrong sometimes, and he hates to admit it. But I have to listen to him." I pull my legs up so I can pest my chin on my knees.

"Makes sense, I guess." And the conversation hits another wall. Because I'm not sure how to continue, and Kai says nothing for a moment.

"Cali, I like you." Immediately I sit up and stare at him. "I mean…no….that is what I mean."

"You don't know me. How can you like me?" He drums his fingers on the ground.

"No, I still like you. But I don't know you. So tell me something simple. About you, I mean." Kai keeps his eyes on mine, so I look away.

"I really can't. There isn't much to tell." Kai's shaking his head. I lean forwards so my hair falls back down.

"Alright….well….What's your favorite food?" I answer without missing a beat.

"Don't have one." Then the look on his face goes from nervous to just plain shock.

"Everyone has a favorite food!" I laugh without meaning to.

"Not me." He's shaking his head again.

"Okay, how about a favorite book? You have to have a favorite book." I'm laughing again.

"I really don't. Not much time to read." That was a complete lie. I have plenty of time to read. Just no favorite books.

"What about a favorite color? And don't tell me you don't have one." He's smiling, but I can tell he's trying to look serious. He isn't doing a very good job.

"Then I won't tell you." He leans his head back against the tree.

"There has to be some color you like more than the others. Any color." I think for a moment.

"I guess silver." He sits up straight again and stares at me.

"You guess?" And I'm laughing again.

"It's…well…." How do I explain this to him? "It's like a mirror I guess. It's really pretty and everyone values gold more, both as a color and as a metal, even though it's stronger and more reliable. Plus, technically, if we didn't buy up all the gold, then silver would be more valuable." Close enough. Even if I did make myself sound super smart, which I'm not.

"Now we're getting somewhere." He lets out a breath, probably of relief. I'm still smiling. Kai looks down at his feet. Then up at the trees leaves. A few fall off and float down. He catches one, but as soon as it touches his hand, the leaf burns up into ashes. Incredible.

"How did you do that?" He shrugs.

"Didn't mean to." I roll my eyes.

"Yeah, but how?" He tosses the ashes up into the wind and they drift and spread out until I can't see them anymore.

"I really don't know." At least his voice sounds honest. I move so that I'm facing him.

"Any other questions?" Kai's eyes shoot over to me. He laughs and turns to face me.

"Not really. I'm not good with new people, well…..not really. Most everyone knows more about me than I do." I cock my head, showing that I'm confused.

"How's that?" He shakes his head.

"Not sure. But they do." His glance shifts and I follow it. Cole's coming back. I almost wish he wouldn't. I like talking to Kai. "Well," Kai begins, "That's our cue." He leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. Nothing can disguise the surprise on my face. Then Kai stands up and offers me his hand. I take it and pull myself up. He doesn't let go when I'm standing, and I don't either, completely aware that my face has turned a different shade of red.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note:  
Okay. This is probably the weirdest thing I've ever written. And I debated a lot about putting it in a deleted scenes file. But, I'm posting it. Just because I think it needs to be read. My mind is really strange sometimes...but I actually really like this. Whatever comments you have, good and bad, please put them in the reviews. I want to hear your opinions on this. Really. I'll even take hate. Thank you for your time :)

* * *

There's a lot in my life I still have to figure out. My feelings for Kai have just been put on the list. He's sweet. He makes me laugh. But I can't afford to get close to him. I can't just let him overrun my mind. I refuse to let someone, especially a guy, do that. But yet, he is. I can't get him off my mind, even when he's right next to me.

Why? I don't know. He's an idiot. I mean, aren't all guys? They all think the same. They all do the same things, or like the same type of stuff, or anything else I know I'll end up forgetting. I hate this. This is what they call falling in love? Thinking about someone until your mind goes numb and your heart is bleeding their name so that you don't even know what to do? That's love? Okay. Thank you, life, for clearing that up.

God. If you're out there, tell me what I'm supposed to do. My mom talked about you so much, and my dad so little. If you're real, are you going to watch me fight what all those movies and books tell me is your greatest gift? Love? Do I even need it? Do you want me to keep feeling this? Maybe.

Ronnie. I'm sorry I can't tell you what's going on. I'm sorry that I can't bring you with me. I'm sorry I haven't been around much these past couple days. It's hurting my soul. A lot. Love is crushing me. It's killing me. But then again, we're all dying. No. I can't think like that.

Dareth. I hate you so much. I'm not a child. You don't have to tell me what to do, or how to act. You're an awful person, and a horrible parent, and if Ronnie didn't like you I would snap your neck the next time you tried to talk to me. You're all we have. I know you don't know it, but we need you. We don't have anywhere else to go. Don't make us leave. I know you wouldn't, because you love Ronnie almost as much as I do. And it's sad. Because I can't be a good enough guardian, that we have to stay with you.

Kai. Dammit, Kai. Please, get out of my head. Leave me alone. Let me focus. Don't kiss me on the cheek, or hold my hand. Stop being so sweet. Stop being so….you. That's a horrible request, but go try being sweet and you with some other girl. Just not me. Although, now that I know who you are, I know that some of your fangirls would literally throw themselves at you. Don't be that guy. Please. Don't be everything I'm afraid you are. Just….leave me alone.

Cole. Why are you on my list? Because you're you. Because you train me. And because with every word you say, my knees go numb. Because you take my mind away from Kai. I'd rather have Kai stuck in my head than you. You have no interest in me. You want nothing to do with me. Please, for my sake, keep it that way. Keep giving me that look like I'm a child. I'd rather be a child to you than whatever I am to Kai. I don't want to be in love. Not with you. Not with anyone.

Mommy. I'm so sorry that you made my list of things I need to fix. I'm so sorry that I cry behind closed doors, praying that you'll come back. Praying that everything is just a dream. Mommy, please get me out of this. You said the first time you fell in love, it was with Dad. And you kissed him that first day. Mommy, is that going to be me and Kai? I don't want it to be. Please, Mommy. Come back and help me. Don't just be gone. Mommy. I'm so scared of this. I've never felt a feeling this strong. How did you deal with it? Mommy, please. Don't just leave me and Ronnie. Mommy. Come home.

Dad. I'm scared. Because if I let myself fall in love with Kai, you won't hunt him down if he hurts me. You won't be there to help your baby girl. Daddy, I'm scared shitless, to be honest. You'd love to hear me actually say that. Because I'm so much like you. Same hair color, same eyes, same personality. Mommy kissed you first. She told me. Don't be ashamed of that. Dad. What do I do? You were my hero, you know. Every other girl loved her mother, but no. I looked up to you. Daddy, how do I get through life like this?

Cathleen, are you still there? I'm Cali now. Please, Cathleen, come back to me. Come back and be audacious. Come back and be the rebel. Come back and be a queen. Come back and be a warrior. Come back and be the girl who never cried. Come back, Cathleen. I was wrong. I want to be you again. Cathleen, don't leave me here. Cathleen, come back. Kai is waiting for you. Or Cole. Or whoever you want that won't make me cry. Please, come back and let me be care-free again. Cathleen, please. I'm begging you. Don't let me fall apart. Cathleen? Are you even listening?

Cali, are you still breathing? Cali, are you still alive? You're so scared of everything. Just let go and fall in love. Cali, please don't do this to yourself. Get up on your goddamn feet and fight. Get out of that room. Wipe your eyes. And fall in love. You're feeling. You're crying. But you're still alive. And this proves it. Before, you were gray and dying. Be silver, sweetheart. Be beautiful and everything I know you can be. Stop doing this. Cali. Oh my God, Cali; there's so much I want to tell you. No. I haven't left you. I'm still here. Please. Rip up your list. Tell Ronnie you love her. Tell Kai how you feel. Tell Cole how you feel. I know, you can't have both. But everything is going to fall apart anyways. Why not feel everything before it does? Why not fall in love with both? It's better than what you're doing.

Get up, Cali. Get up. Get your ass of the ground and dust yourself off. This isn't real. But both those boys are. And believe me, only one will love you in the end. Cali, stop doing this. You need to get up. Cali. You need to keep going. You're drowning yourself like this. I'm begging you. I can't do everything for you. I know we are one and the same. But, you just have to try. And then we don't have to be so different.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note:  
Big thank yous to whoever's still reading this. You deserve cake :)  
Moving on, I got really bored today and scribbled down some scene ideas. So expect a bunch of uploading this weekend. Or week. Or whatever day it is when you read this...  
Moving on...Chapter...11 I think?

* * *

By the time the day is almost over, the clouds have begun to fester in the skies. I know we have to fly back to the dojo, but I don't want to give up a single moment with Kai. I don't know why either. Their dragon is almost unwilling to take us back, but it obeys its master.

Cole doesn't come with us. I honestly have no idea where he went. He saw me and Kai holding hands, just something that simple, and veered off down a different path. Maybe he was just busy. I wish he would have let me train more. I wish he would have talked to me more. I wish I could be friends with him, well, at least a bit more than I sort of was.

From the back of a dragon, the world is small and clouded over with something I can't recognize. The skies thunder with anger. But I can't see any lightning. And that's what truly frightens me. Kai's a good driver, but since it's quite a distance home, I don't know if it's really a good idea to be flying up so high. I take a deep breath and focus on the swirling winds around us. I can already smell the coming rain.

It's light at first. A small drizzle of raindrops that plop down on my head. I shiver. Kai only snickers at me before I push him a little bit, playfully. He smiles but stays focus on steering. The rain is picking up a bit. I can feel it tapping on my arms, tapping on my head. Cold. Wet. I stick my tongue out and catch a few drops like I'm catching snowflakes. If it was any colder, this would be snow.

The rain is picking up. Falling faster. I almost don't know what we're supposed to do. Kai's shifting nervously next to me. I pull my hood over my head, finally, as he shoots a jealous look at me. I give him a smug look back, and he starts lowering the flying creature down over the city.

Just as the rain opens up at full force.

He lands as quickly as possible, but between the thunder and the lightning I can hardly hear. And between the walls of water and shaking tremors as cold icy droplets cut through my jacket, I have no clue where we are. Kai pulls me down of the dragon's back and I slip halfway down. He catches me and sets my feet down on what I can only assume is the street. I can barely see his face, and I'm less than a foot away from him. The water has soaked me completely. I'm freezing, shivering.

Kai's trying to maneuver us through the city. I know he has no clue where we're going, but he starts laughing. He twirls once, dancing in the rain. I can barely make out his figure, but I'm smiling at this. He grabs my hand and twirls me, but I slip again. Catching my balance, I can hear him trying not to laugh. I shove him and he stumbles.

"Cali!" He yells my name and I almost tackle him again. "I'm trying to stand here!" I let out a laugh. Just a short one.

He's not even a foot away from me. I can see his face now.

"Hi." I whisper meekly. The front of my hair is completely soaked in rain water and dripping down in front of my face. The rest is covered by my hood. Kai brushes some of my hair away.

"Hi yourself." Our foreheads touch. It's not like I don't know what he's doing. I feel the need to beat him to it, but I don't.

"Hey." I really have nothing to say now. His lips meet mine, softly, suddenly. The rain is falling too hard for me to worry about anything else. My eyes flutter shut, and I let the beating sound of raindrops steal my focus for half a moment.  
I pull away first.

My eyes have adjusted enough so I can see. We aren't far from the dojo. It's just down the street. I pull my hood further over my head so that Kai can't see the smile that won't stop. I know he's already seen it.  
I take his arm and practically pull him down the road and inside the dojo, where I stand in the doorway, clothes soaking wet and dripping puddles of water onto the floor. Kai's no better off, he looks dazed.

I can hear footsteps running down the stairs already. I lean over and whisper in Kai's ear.

"That's most likely my sister." He gives me a shocked look, but says nothing. "Don't worry, she's a big fan." But really, I know I'm the one who's really worried. Just because Ronnie always assumes too much. But if she assumed that Kai and I were 'together' or whatever word she would use, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

At least, I don't think so after today.


	12. Chapter 12

Just as I suspected, my little sister runs down the stairs and out into the main room, book in her hands. She freezes the second she sees Kai. Like she isn't quite sure what to do.

"Umm…..Cali…." She moves towards me without taking her eyes off of him. I can't really blame her. She doesn't know who he is. She tug my arm down so she can whisper in my ear. "Is that the ninja you were talking about?" I mentally slap myself.

"Yes, that's Kai." Then her eyes get even wider than they already were. I forgot to tell her his name. And I forgot that Kai was her favorite.

"Are you Kai?" She asks him this, like my answer wasn't enough for her. That, or she just didn't believe me. But Kai nods. His hair is still soaking wet.

"Ronnie, you can talk to him later. Can you go get some towels?" Ronnie looks down at the puddles of rain water and how soaked we both are. Then a devious look crosses across her face. I know that look. What is she thinking?

"Uh…sure…" She runs off, and I can see she's trying not to laugh. Kai's being unusually silent. I move the wet strands of hair away from my face and look over to him. His gaze has followed Ronnie, but she's already left the room.

"What?" I ask him. He looks back at me.

"That's your sister?" Nodding slowly, I raise my eyebrow.

"Yeah….why?" Kai shakes his hand and some water falls off of it.

"Just checking. She seems nice." I have to look away so he can't see how much I want to laugh. Ronnie's fun, she's artistic. But she can also be rude, sassy and if you get in the way of something she wants then it's your funeral. I'm just lucky that I'm on her side.

She scampers back in the room, holding several towels in her hands. She hands one to me and then hands one to Kai. I take off my hood and start drying the ends of my hair. Kai's working on drying his feet. The scheming look is still on Ronnie's face.

"What?" She giggles and runs out of the room again. I can't help but get the feeling that something happened that I missed. But Ronnie comes back with a soda and holds it out to me. I give her a questioning look and wrap the towel around my neck so I can grab it.

"Dareth went to the store before the storm started. Speaking of which…..did you guys walk home?" She sounds like she's making a joke, but I'm not sure so I don't really respond right away.

"No, we just….got here later than we should have." Half of the truth. Good job, Cali.

"Our dragon can't exactly fly in the rain." Kai finally says something. And Ronnie looks even more curious.

"Wait….You got to ride on the dragon?! The four headed one?!" She half-whispers, half-yells at me. I nod and pop the tab off of the can. It's vanilla root beer. My favorite, but I'm the only one here who would drink it. Kai's giving me a jealous look. I look over at him. He's already completely dry, minus the front of his hair which is still dripping water. I take a swig of the drink, the taste sticking in my mouth.

"Does no one tell me anything?" Ronnie mutters while tugging at my arm.

"You want a drink, Kai?" I say, only partially annoying her. He shakes his head. "You're allowed to talk, you know."

"I know." I roll my eyes and take another drink.

"Sure. I'm gonna go change." I hand the half-empty can to Ronnie. "Hold this for a minute…and don't drink it this time, okay?" She gives me a fake snarl.

I move into the right room, where the stairs are, and climb up. Almost immediately, I'm in my room. Down on my hands and knees, looking for the box of clothes. I grab it and pull it out to where I'm sitting. All I do is grab a random jacket and new jeans to put on. I change as fast as possible and leave my room, closing the door behind me. My hair doesn't concern me, it's mostly where it's supposed to be.

When I come back downstairs, Ronnie and Kai are sitting down in the main room. She's asking him a bunch of questions. I stay back for a minute, just to hear their conversation.

"Why were you fighting snakes?" Ronnie….you know you shouldn't bother people about that. But at the same time, I would like to know as well.

"We fight anything that's evil. Snakes, skeletons, even dragons." This makes my sister cringe.

"There are evil dragons?" Kai nods dramatically.

"There's evil everything. That's why I'm a ninja. So I can fight all the evil stuff." Ronnie seems to think for a moment before saying something else.

"So…..are there evil ninjas, too?" This makes Kai pause. I take the silence to come back into the room. Ronnie waves for me to come sit down, she still has my soda. I walk over to them and sit down next to her. The can feels lighter, but I'm not sure if I'm just paranoid or what.

"If there's evil everything, then there's probably evil ninjas somewhere." Kai's answer. I drink the rest of the soda and set the can beside me.

"You should be a ninja, Cali." Ronnie pokes my shoulder. "You could train here, and then you can team up with other ninjas and fight evil." I laugh.

"Me? Fighting evil?" Ronnie nods, but the stops herself.

"Well, I guess other ninjas would have to team up to fight you." She laughs more at her own joke than anything. Kai looks like he doesn't quite know what we're talking about.

"That means I'd have to kill Kai, though. Maybe I can be evil, but still a pacifist." I'm not making any sense, but Ronnie continues without missing a beat.

"But you aren't a pacifist." I hold a finger up to my lips.

"But they don't know that….." Kai still hasn't responded at all. Right when I notice this, he says something.

"Okay, I'm completely lost. Who's killing who? And since when are you a pacifist?" This makes Ronnie laugh even harder.

"I think that's enough, Ronnie." She nods, still giggling. I roll my eyes. "The rain's letting up a bit." I look behind them out the window, where the sky has turned a lighter color.

"Yeah…I guess I should go now before it gets worse." Kai gets up, and so do I. He walks to the door and pauses, as if waiting for me to say something.

"Training tomorrow, then?" He smiles.

"I'd like that." Then before I even know what he's doing, he's leaned down and kissed me swiftly. In front of Ronnie. His lips have a distinct taste of vanilla. "See you then." He whispers it to me and heads out into the street. I'm still standing there with a confused look. I turn around and Ronnie's dancing in a circle.

"I knew it!" She squeals and runs out of the room before I can even respond. I raise my eyebrow and follow her. She's in the corner, clutching her sketchbook. I think she thought I was going to chase her.

"What? What did you know?" She waves me over and opens her book to a page somewhere in the middle.

Her drawing skills are getting even better. But, completely startled, I see what she's drawn. A boy and a girl, foreheads touching. Smiling. She's added water effects to her drawing. The couple is standing in the rain.

"You didn't know anything, you just saw." She shook her head.

"I didn't know it was you, I just assumed." Ronnie says it sincerely. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not.

"Well…don't show this to Kai, okay?" She smiles.

"I promise I won't show your boyfriend my drawing of you and him." It's the sly smile again, not her real one.

"He's not my boyfriend. And I'm not having this conversation with you." The sly smile doesn't leave her face. I close my eyes for a minute.

"He kissed you." Immediately, I have to fight the urge to slam my face against a wall. "You mad at me?"

"No. But Kai's not my boyfriend. Let it go." Ronnie runs out of the room shouting;

"Never!" I can't stop laughing.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note:  
This was pretty much how I was writing the last two chapters; _OMG KAI KISS HER ALREADY! WAIT…I'm the author…..what am I doing?_  
I honestly have no idea why I do that. But really. NOW FOR MANY MANY PLOT TWISTS! I'm kidding, I only have one major plot twist. And I can't reveal it yet *growls*  
Moving on, if you couldn't tell I'm super pumped about a lot of stuff, this being part of it. Just kinda….I really want to start some art for this eventually. Yes.  
Moving on again; I give you Chapter 13 :D Leave a review if you enjoyed, please!

* * *

I wake up to empty, blissful, happiness. I don't know why, but I'm smiling already. It's unnatural to smile on a Monday morning at what my clock tells me is five a.m. But I can't sleep. Well, not for long anyways. I'm still reliving yesterday, and even now I can still hear the beating of the rain, matching with my own heartbeat. I wish I could have that back, but all I have is the promise that today will be just as good, or even better. It's not much, but that's more than I've had in a while.

I roll off the bed and catch myself just as I hit the floor. It takes a moment before I manage to reach under the bed and grab my box. What to wear today? Something I haven't worn yet. Then there's the choices again. Red or black? Skinny jeans or boot cut? Hoodie or no? I have to dig around to see what all I have. It's not much, but it's mine.

I settle on a red streaked blue shirt and boot cut jeans. My hoodie's probably still drying down in the dojo, so I will have to worry about that later. I change, and throw my other clothes over the edge of the box. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a metal frame beneath all the cloth. I know what it is, but I still lean down and push whatever was covering the frame up away.

There's more than just clothes in the box beneath my bed. There's memories. Little things I know I would forget if I didn't keep them. And everything that I want to hold onto. Pictures are a must have, but sometimes it's not even that. This picture is of the day my mom brought me home from the hospital. I don't remember putting this picture in here, but it's nice to know I have it. It's nice to know that part of my past is still there, right where it should be.

I put the picture frame back in the box and bury it deep down, with all the other remnants of my past self. The clock tells me that it's 5:05. I flick the light in my room off when I leave. The hallway is dark, too dark for my liking. Ronnie's light is off. Dareth's room is on the other end, past the kitchen. I never go over there. But from across the hall, I can see his light is on. Swallowing, I head into the kitchen.

It reeks in here. But then again, I hate the smell of anything that isn't sweet. So the sour fragrance of whatever food is here is just revolting to me. I cross the tiny space and open the fridge, grabbing another vanilla root beer. This triggers a half smile as I pop the tab and take a sip.

In the amount of space we have, the only room with a window up here is our kitchen. The sun is already beginning to rise, it tells me. The light comes in unexpectedly, shining directly in my eyes. That's good and all, but what I'm looking at is the sunlight over the edge of the city. Compared to the skyscrapers out there, we might as well be ants. But I can see every window, every building, and every place where someone has stood unfolding. I never bothered to watch the sunrise in the city. Although it's just as incredible as watching it from anywhere else.

* * *

At seven thirty, Ronnie's awake and bustling around, trying to remember where all her books are. Trying to figure out where her backpack is. She doesn't realize I'm holding it until she's searching every room at least three times. Then she rushes about trying to find her charcoal. Ronnie doesn't realize it's in her hand until she goes to bite her nails out of worry. Her front two teeth have a black stain now from it.

Then at eight, we're downstairs watching the people and cars pass by. Dareth moves around behind us, setting up punching bags and whatnot. I don't really pay attention to him at the moment. Ronnie's chewing on a piece of toast while we wait for her bus to come. Then she decides to ask me a question.

"Is Kai coming back today?" I raise my eyebrow but give her an answer.

"Maybe." She smiles and rips off the crust of her food.

"I like him." I hold out my hands, and she passes the crust onto me. Willingly, I eat them. I know she wouldn't have. The bus stops outside and Ronnie jumps up, stuffing the last of the bread into her mouth. She gives me a side hug to say goodbye and takes off. Out into the streets. Out into the real world. I smile a bit this time as she disappears from my view. She's just as happy as I am. For once.

* * *

Ten o'clock. I kick one of the punching bags in the side room, occasionally glancing over to the table where the phone is. Nothing.

Eleven. I take a swig of vanilla soda while Dareth hums along to some tune, dancing around his office. He has a rack of novels and such, so I take one titled _Audacious_. Halfway through the first chapter, I look down at my phone again. Still nothing.

Twelve. Dareth makes us sandwiches. Turkey for me. Ham for him. He doesn't associate with me, just hands me my food and goes back to dancing and practicing some weird fighting style. I pull out the phone one more time. Absolutely, positively nothing.

One. I'm hallway through Dareth's book, stretched out on a table, holding the book up in the air so I can read. I feel so bad for the girl. Waiting for something that isn't coming. I can relate to her. Somewhat. Kind of. But there's that feeling that I get it. What she's thinking. She doesn't have friends either. Two of a kind. I don't even bother to check the phone. I know there's nothing there.

Two. Dareth comes to get me, just as I'm finishing the book and putting it back. He has a wolf grin on his face, like he knows something I don't. I feel my nostrils flare, and he says that something came for me. I didn't order anything. But I follow him out to the front room. There's a small box on the trophy case. Not like mine, which is cardboard. It's a different material. I snatch it up and glare at my uncle who backs away and leaves me alone.  
Inside the container is nothing but a single flower. It's not a rose. It's not a lily. It's an iris. My breath catches in my throat. I take it out, and see that there's a slip of paper. The words on it are written slanted, like whoever wrote it was in a hurry. But I read them anyways.

_Sorry about today. I feel awful. Something came up. Something really important. Hope you'll take a rain check. See you tomorrow! –Kai_

Dammit, why does he have to be so cute?


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note:  
So, I listen to music when I write. I know a lot of people do that, but a while ago I was going through a lot of the music I haven't looked at in a year or two. And I found one of my CDs of The Fray. And I love them. So I put it on and got kinda hooked on this one song about the time I started writing Playing with Fire for the first time. And well, that song is definitely without a doubt, what that fanfic is about. I just sat down and started listening to it again and crying because of the image in my head.  
Which I can't tell you because it would spoil the whole story.  
Total randomness here, but the song is Never Say Never by The Fray.  
Let's get back on track. Hope every one's having a nice week. And leave a review if you enjoy please :D

* * *

Twelve a.m. Midnight. It's tomorrow. And I can't sleep. I just can't and I don't know why. Today was complete nothingness, and now I'm here, holding the flower Kai sent me in my lap. Sitting on the edge of the bed, phone beside me. I keep praying maybe he'll call. Maybe. I'm just a stupid girl in love. I hate it, but at the same time I never want to forget this feeling. It's like I don't even realize what I'm doing. I'm such an idiot. Why does he like me? I don't care, I just know he does. That's all I need.

The flower is an iris. This is now my favorite type of flower. Just because. When the color begins to fade, I have already decided to press it and save it. Just because. Because he's the first guy…..no….the first person who's ever done something like this for me. I'm so pathetic. Pathetic, yet happy. Happy with myself, happy with my feelings. Happy. But also depressed. All I wanted today was to see him, and something happened. I don't want to bother him about it, but I need to know if he's okay. If something really did happen.

My fingers fumble through the contacts on the phone. I've officially adopted it as mine now, since Dareth never used it. There's a lot of numbers and names. I make a mental note to delete some of these eventually. Kai's name is thirteenth. Lucky number. I wait, not daring to breath as the phone rings.

"Hi?" It's not Kai's voice.

"Umm…..Hi. This is Cali. I was just wondering if everything was okay." God, I sound so stupid.

"Kai's fine, if that's what you mean." The voice is blunt, or trying to sound as such.

"Yeah….umm….who is this, if you don't mind me asking." I hear a slight laugh.

"I guess I'd sound a lot different over the phone, then." Wait. It's not Kai's voice. And the only other one I've taken the time to pay attention to…no.

"Cole?" I try to keep my surprise to a minimum when I hear a response.

"Yep. Sorry we didn't tell you anything. It'll probably be on the news tomorrow. Stopped some criminals. Typical stuff." I'm tempted to ask, but don't.

"Sounds better than how my day went. What are you doing up at midnight?" I stand up and begin pacing around the small space I have, which isn't too much.

"I could ask you the same question. Speaking of questions, I asked Kai this at least five times. And every time he punched me. Would you be offended is someone called you Calico?" I take the phone away from my ear and try not to laugh any harder than I am.

"No." I manage to say between the laughter that keeps coming. "No, I wouldn't" I hear him start to laugh as well. At the same time, it sounded like someone hit their fist on a table. I don't ask. I've learned not to question.

"I told him you wouldn't." I don't have anything to say, so I sit in silence for a minute before trying to respond.

"I….I don't really have a response for that." I hear him laugh again.

"Alright. One more thing. You know, we could try training you at Dareth's dojo." My heart feels like it stopped.

"No. No you can't. I'd give anything to get out of this place. Seriously." Another laugh. I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. I fall backwards, landing on my bed.

"That bad, huh?" I smile a bit at this. The iris slips from my grasp and lands softly on the floor.

"You have no idea." Yawning, I stretch the arm I'm not using out until it reaches the wall.

"Tired?" I sit up.

"No. You?" He pauses.

"Not at all." I take in a deep breath. It's all I can really do now.

"So…." I begin, but run out of words.

"What time is it?" This is a completely random question, but I answer without hesitation.

"Midnight." It sounds like he stood up.

"Oh…..Umm….do me a favor, please? If Kai asks, I never touched his phone." I smile at his words, at the nervousness of his voice. I know he can't see it over the phone. And I'm glad.

"Got it." A moment passes before Cole says anything.

"Well, I got to go. See you for training tomorrow then?" I let out some air, the dread melting away.

"Yeah." This conversation got really awkward really quickly.

"….Talk to you later, Calico." His words are rushed, like something is happening. Before I can even say goodbye, he's hung up, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I peer over the edge of the bed and stare at the violet flower pressed against the floor. I consider reaching for it, but as I do, I stop myself. Either, way my fingers reach the stem and I pull it towards me and up off the floor. Once it's in my hands again, a split second of sorrow crosses over me. Kai. But at least I got to talk to someone. I put my arm over the edge of the bed and reach underneath it, feeling around for the box. I pull it out and place the iris on top of a stack of folded clothes, and slide it back. At least to get Kai out of my brain for a few hours.

Sorry, Kai. I'm going to fall asleep thinking of someone else tonight.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note:  
This was the original first scene, believe it or not. This was the building block for the whole story, centered on this one idea. And you may or may not get it until you finish reading it, but this is very important. Short, but important. Trust me on this one.  
Also, please leave a review if you read and enjoyed! :D

* * *

**How I imagined it:**  
The sky is a deep, blossoming yellow. Everything is falling into place, completely, and all at once. I'm standing, beneath a cherry tree whose pale pink petals have loosened their grip and toppled down into my hair, forming a makeshift crown. The air is full of the perfume that the dying trees are making a last effort to create. It is a sweet and sour scent that both makes you smile and makes you want to cry. And I'm standing on that frail line in between them. He's next to me. His face, I have not bothered to look yet. But his gaze is forever focused on the blooming sunrise, like I am. There are a few petals that try to drip their way down onto his head, but I glance over long enough so see him blow them away. Away from his head. He is so close to me, yet so far away. I would rather have him further away so that he doesn't distract me at the moment, but the only sight more amazing than the sunrise is the sight of his smile when he talks to me. It's incredible. How much could one person have such an effect on me? I can feel it when he takes my hand, and I thread my fingers through the spaces in between his, and slide closer to him. Just so that I can almost rest my head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. I'm tempted to, but don't. He releases my hand, and I try not to feel the emptiness he leaves behind. But then he's wrapped his arm around me. This is better, in my opinion at least. The color of the sky has turn from light and thriving, to a deep shade of crimson that reflects off of everything. I have to close my eyes to keep it from stinging. I feel him shift beside me, not knowing what he's doing, I open my eyes. He's moved so that he can face me now. I look down to my feet and see his puzzled look out of the corner of my eyes. It's almost adorable, that look. Like a confused puppy. I look back up and the sunlight glints in my eye again. I flinch, and he holds up his hand to block the light from my face. I roll my eyes, seeing his gesture as both cute and childish. I stand up on my tiptoes so that we are eye to eye, just so he can see me without having to look down. And this is the first time I kiss him. I kiss him first, that is. My eyes flutter shut, and I can feel his arms move down and wrap around my waist. It's bliss. Serenity. And joy. That's what he is to me. And that's all I really needed in life. Him.

**How it really is: **  
I'm sitting alone in my room, on the bed. Staring up at the wall. There's nothing to do. Nothing to sort out. I just have to figure out what I'm thinking, and what's going on in my head. I'm alone. I don't even bother to check what time it is, I haven't been able to sleep since I woke up from my dream. From everything I wish was true. I'm alone. I haven't moved in what feels like hours, other than the constant rise and fall of my chest, the only sign that I'm still breathing. The only sign that I'm still alive. Something is definitely wrong with me. I love cherry trees and sunrises. That's normal. I love darkness and violet flowers. That's also normal. But something else is wrong with me. Something I cannot hope to explain. I wish I knew what was happening.  
Five months ago, I was living with foster families who wouldn't keep me and Ronnie for more than a week. Now, I'm here. Now, I'm messing everything up. Now, I've ridden on the backs of dragons and fought until my soul gave out. Now, I've had a dream about being underneath a cherry tree. Now, I'm sure that I'm in love. Now, I need to figure out what to do about it.  
Because I'm almost completely positive that no one has a dream like that about someone other than the person who kissed them two days ago. I'm completely positive that I wasn't supposed to even feel that way about someone other than Kai.  
Too late, my mind whispers to me. And I repeat the words out loud. It's not just Kai who fills my thoughts anymore. Someone else is fighting for control of my thoughts. Whether he knows it or not.


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note:  
I have just recovered from the worst case of writers block I have ever had. I have no clue why it happened, but I think I'm okay. Kinda. Sorta. Possibru. Yes.  
Moving on…Leave a review if you read and enjoyed! :D :D

* * *

Days move past without me. I'm still stranded here in time. It's been almost two weeks since then. Since I lost myself thinking all about him. His smile makes me melt, his eyes make me blush more than I should. I'm just an idiotic girl in love, and I'm happier that I've ever been.

When the sun rises, my alarm rings and I wake up automatically. My new routine has already begun its takeover, but I haven't exactly fought it. I shoot out of bed and grab the clothes I've laid out for today. Navy hoodie, black shirt and blue jeans. My favorite outfit, and I have no idea why. Everywhere is dark, but there is no outrunning the light in my heart.

My muscles have adjusted to the intenseness of training. I'm no longer waking up exhausted and burning. I've already become a bit stronger. But since they hardly let me take a break until they've watched me beat Kai at least four times (which isn't easy anymore), it's easy to see why. I've even dropped a few pounds in the past week. Which is nice, but I just like having something to occupy my time.

No one else is awake, but I stop by my sister's room and plant a quick kiss on her sleeping head. She rolls over and curls into a ball. Adorable. I don't wake her.

After I move into the kitchen and start fixing myself something to eat, my phone vibrates. Two days ago, we fixed the keypad on it. I can text now, but the only number I have is Kai's. He's also the only one I want to talk to. I flip it open and read the words on the screen, smiling and eating a spoonful of raspberry yogurt.

I think I have a serious yogurt problem. A week ago, an organic shopping center opened up and Ronnie talked us into going. I was sick of always eating turkey. Plus, I thought if I was going to take this training thin seriously, I should eat a bit healthier. But I found a yogurt isle and just grabbed a few. Now I'm addicted, and I'm pretty sure I need serious help. This is all I ever eat for meals now. Raspberry and vanilla yogurt. I have a weird addiction to vanilla.

I finish eating and toss out the plastic spoon I was using. The canister goes with it. I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair. The tiredness is all but gone from my mind. I let out a short yawn and grab my phone again. It's vibrating. Again. The words are asking if I'm awake. I type back a yes and head towards the stairs, stuffing the phone into my pocket.

I climb down into the dojo, silence filling my ears. Everything is completely still. Completely empty. I'm alone. I take the opportunity to sort of dance over to the windows and take a seat at one, staring out into the sunlight. I smile, a sweet thought filling my mind.

Love is such a stupid thing. But I still have the iris Kai gave me those days ago. I still smile every time I hear his voice. These are the things that I'm not afraid of anymore. But then there's the darker thoughts that scare me. The darker thoughts that aren't about him.

Kai is sweet. He's funny, he always lets me beat him in training. He loves telling stories and hanging out with me and my little sister. He's never afraid to say what he's thinking and always keeps an eye on me, as if I would do something sinister.

What I'm afraid to admit; I don't dream about him. I dream about Cole. It's weird for me. I can't shake that feeling I get when he smiles at me. But knowing he's just my friend helps a lot. It does. But then there's that one split second when I see him laugh, watch him move. It's messing with my head. I can get rid of this if I try not to think about him. And he ceases to exist for a few moment when Kai kisses me goodnight or good morning.

* * *

I've spent much of today alone, reading or texting Kai. I didn't see anyone else today. Just me, practicing punches and kicks in the back room. Or reading a few chapters in one of the books I've read at least eight times already. Sometimes I turn on the radio. Sometimes I fall on the ground and just lay there thinking about everything that's happened. I wish he was here. But people have lives, and he's always so busy.

Just as I'm thinking this, my phone rings. Startled, I stop hitting the crimson punching bag and it swings back to smash me in the face. I kick it and it swings around again. This time I dodge and scoop my phone off the floor, answering it before the fourth ring.

"Hello?" I tilt my head to hold it between my ear and shoulder.

"Hey." My heart does the little tap dance that it always does when he speaks. My mood instantly brightens and I throw another punch, watching the punching bag swing across the room on its chain.

"Hi, Kai." I flop down onto the floor.

"How's your day? I'm sorry I couldn't come." I frown at this.

"Don't be. You have a job, and I don't mind anyways. I'm fine. You want to tell me what happened this time, or do I have to wait to see it on the news so I can tell everyone that that's my boyfriend?" He chuckles. I wish I could see him.

"It's nothing…..really. Just….a family thing. Nothing news worthy." Letting out a bit of a sigh, I cast my gaze up to the ceiling.

"You'll be back soon, right?" I really wish I could see him.

"As soon as possible." He pauses for a second.

"I miss seeing you around here. It's empty." I blurt, but then cover my mouth.

"I'd rather be with you than where I am." His voice sounds sincere.

"Is that a compliment?" He laughs, and I'm glad to hear his laugh. He's been different the past two days that we trained here at the dojo. I wish he was here. I'm sick of loneliness. But they're ninjas and they have their jobs.

"Yes, Cali. That was a compliment. Hold on a sec." I hear him put his hand over the phone. He yells something I can't decipher.

"What's wrong?" He sighs.

"I have to go. See you….soon?" I nod, even though he can't see it.

"Soon. Bye. I guess." My voice falters and I hang up when I hear the line go dead.

Great. I hop back up and aim a few more punches, hitting harder than before. I'm so sick of this. I'm just so sick of this. I keep punching harder and harder until my knuckles turn red and I fall over again. The ground is comforting. Maybe I'll just lay here until he comes back. I have no one but myself to talk to anyways.

"Hey, Cali." I say out loud. "What, Cathleen?" I whisper in a different tone. "Why do you care so much? Just go have fun or something. Make friends." I stop myself from saying anymore. I'm talking to myself in an empty room. What could be better?

"You know I can't do that since…." I can't even finish my own sentence as a tear tries to fall. I don't let it. "I know, Cali. I know. I'm sorry." I'm still talking to myself. I wish I wasn't alone. Kai. Why don't you ever tell me what's going on?

"Because you never tell him." I answer my thought out loud. Is that true?


End file.
